Second time around
21 Jun 2011
Second time around
All right, so it didn’t work out the first time, but love is all around and this time it’s for real, right?
With one-in-four weddings being for second timers, re-marrying means having the wedding that you – not your mum – dreamed of. Age brings wisdom and experience, and a second wedding can be the day of your dreams if you keep a few vital points in mind.
Whether widowed or divorced, no matter how happy people are for you, it is likely that your wedding will bring mixed emotions for some. This needs careful handling.
Firstly: your ex. If you’re still on reasonable terms with one another, he will be pleased for you, just as you would be for him. Mistakes are made, life goes on, and it’s good to see something positive emerge from what might have seemed disastrous at the time. All well and good.
If you are on less friendly terms, it is always best to tell an ex- partner directly, especially if there are children involved. If you can’t face telling them face to face, or if direct communication between you tends not to go very well, then write a letter; it’s better than an e-mail, and infinitely preferable to a text message – take the trouble to put pen to paper.
If you want to invite your ex-partner, make sure you inform guests beforehand so no one feels uncomfortable.
The ex in-laws – this can be tricky. Grandparents can worry that your re-marriage will deprive them of a vitally important relationship; be clear and simple, reassure them that they are and will remain part of your children’s lives. If you invite them to the service, don’t be upset if they refuse – they may wish you happiness but still find it painful to see you move on.
With children, particular sensitivity is called for, and communication is the key. Children usually know when adults are being evasive, which can trouble and upset them. Answer their questions, admit that things don’t always work out and that sometimes a new start is needed. When it comes to the event itself, include them in some of the decisions so that they feel a real part of it.
When it comes to the big question of what to wear, there is no reason why you should not dress however you please, and if you want to wear white nobody will turn a hair - but remember that your figure may have changed and that frou-frou meringue or the strapless number may not be the most forgiving option!
Your partner will have ideas about the ceremony too. This may be the second wedding for you, and the first for him, or vice versa – or any combination you care to name. You may have missed out on a white wedding the first time, whereas he may have done it all before and want a simple ceremony. Talk the day through and plan it together.
As with any wedding, remember that the art of compromise is important to the marriage as a whole – communicate openly beforehand and reach your decisions based on mutual trust and understanding and you will have a happy and memorable day that will form the basis for a strong future together.