How to stop people pleasing when wedding planning
27 Jun 2016
Keeping all parties happy when planning your wedding can drive you to distraction, but with a little re-coaching from The Bountologist on how to stay true to yourself it will make the process far more pleasant
It’s normal, we all do it, but it’s not good for us - people pleasing. It’s so easy to get caught up with what others want or expect, that we often end up flexing our own dreams and wishes to fit with someone else’s. Whilst this usually comes from good intentions, it results in disappointment and resentment because we missed out on doing what would ring true in our own hearts.
So why do we do it? There are two core reasons for people pleasing:
1. Putting someone else first because we have been conditioned to think that we must always do that to be a decent person. Whilst it’s important to compromise sometimes in life, if it’s habitual or we do it over matters that really mean a lot to us, then we’re not aligning our lives with our own desires.
2. A lack of self esteem. Ultimately when we seek other’s approval, it’s a flag that we’re not approving enough of ourselves. When we deeply love ourselves and are comfortable in who we are and what we want, then we can unconditionally be happy, regardless of other’s approval or disapproval, judgements or compliments.
So how can we say no and prioritise our own needs whilst remaining a kind, fair person?
Here are three top tips for ditching people pleasing and finding greater happiness:
1. Get in to the habit of prioritising your agenda. Get really clear on what really matters to you. What are you willing to bend on and what’s non-negotiable?
2. Practise saying a kind, yet definitive, “no”. For example: "I would love to help you, but I have planned to go out that evening and I’d like to stick to it”, or “That’s a lovely idea, I can see why you’ve suggested that but I’m going to do it this way” and “Thank you, I appreciate that but I’m going to say no this time”. People might be surprised to hear a 'no', but ultimately most will respect you more for standing your ground
3. As a good all-round self-esteem enhancer, practise writing down three things every day that you like about yourself. This can feel awkward or silly at first, but it’s important to be a good friend to yourself and to celebrate what makes you, you.