Bride Debate: Should the groom be involved in wedding planning?
10 Jun 2019
Bride editors Amanda Griffiths (magazines) and Sarah Harris (digital) discuss the groom's involvement in wedding planning
Image: Samantha Gades via Unsplash
Yes, says Sarah who married Jon Harris in April 2019
"From the outset, we were very in tune with one another in terms of the day we wanted - an informal, low-key wedding with our nearest and dearest. However, there were a few minor disagreements initially, including exactly who would be invited. After many a debate, Jon remarked that it was easier for him not to input...because I would disagree anyway, while I argued that his ideas were always valued. Perhaps this is why our wedding planning became a very one-sided task...
"I enjoy planning and have always been the organiser in our relationship. I planned the wedding almost single-handedly as Jon works away during the week so it made sense that I was the contact for all our suppliers. He also worked abroad for a month five weeks before the wedding, which meant I had no choice but to get things sorted on my own in his absence.
"While Jon attended all the meetings he was required for, I arranged each and every one and co-ordinated all the tasks which followed. I didn't mind Jon's hands-off approach - and work made it unavoidable in some instances - but I wish he could have been around more to help out.
"Some brides may yearn for a groom who takes a back seat and doesn't interfere, but I feel a wedding should be a joint effort - after all, there's no 'I' in 'team'."
Image: Sarah and Jon enjoyed an informal wedding (Nick Murray Photography)
No, says Amanda who married Andrew Woollacott in May 2015
"When Andrew said he wanted to be involved in all the decisions I was quite happy...at first.
"Obviously, there would be one thing he didn't help with - choosing the dress, but otherwise decisions were made jointly - and quite frankly I could have done without it, much of the time. Yes, there were some occasions when it was nice - assembling, writing and posting invitations for example; plotting the seating plan, or choosing the wedding music and readings... Then there were other times when it just got a bit much and 'help', such as assembling snack bags for the children in the wedding party, led to a screaming match like never before...
"It's not that I didn't want his support but his ideas are very different to mine... The one thing he did have sole responsibility for - his suit - went to the wire, finally buying one three weeks before the day. The groomsmen and ushers' suits were sorted months earlier (thanks to my involvement). I think that rests my case..."
Image: Amanda and Andrew put their heads together when wedding planning (Lisa Aldersley, LA Photography)
What we agree on...
Striking a balance when wedding planning and allowing both bride and groom to have input. Work through your to-do list and assign an equal number of tasks, working through each in turn and considering each other's opinions.
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