A match made in Disney: Why grooms need to be more involved in wedding planning
01 Apr 2019
Putting her argument forward, bride-to-be Catherine Hiley discusses why wedding planning should be a joint effort
When we got engaged, I’d naively assumed that planning our wedding would be something the two of us would take an equal role in when sorting everything for our big day. With the obvious exception of finding the dress, I’d imagined we’d do it all together, from choosing flowers and food to contacting suppliers and venues.
But I quickly realised there’s an unspoken rule that seems to be that once he’s got up off one knee and you’ve got the ring on your finger, he’s off the hook and you’ve got to plan the whole thing yourself. Which is fine if he hates organising and you want to do it without help, but for the rest of us it’s really frustrating and it needs to change. Here’s why:
1. It’s blatant sexism
Imagine for a second that you were being excluded from planning anything for the most important day of your life just because of your gender. You’d be outraged, right?
While for some men this no doubt works in their favour, I find it hard to believe that my fiancé is the only bloke in the world who actually wants to help organise his own wedding.
But despite my best efforts, he’s consistently ignored, discounted and excluded from every aspect of the wedding preparations. It doesn't matter how many times I CC him into email chains with suppliers, they always CC him right back out again. And when we have meetings with vendors, they almost pretend he's not there. Even if he asks a question, they still direct their answers to me instead.
It’s just like when we go to the garage or the PC repair shop and the guys working in there assume I know nothing about cars or computers and talk exclusively to my fiancé. Except it’s the other way around this time and he now knows what it’s like to be treated like a clueless moron. But whichever way round it is, sexism is not okay and it needs to stop.
2. It’s his special day too
Naturally, my fiancé wants me to have the wedding of my dreams. If I’ve always wanted pink roses, for example, then that’s what he wants me to have. But he also wants to put his own stamp on the day, from helping with the décor to choosing some of the food and the music.
And why shouldn’t he? After all, the day is about both of us, not just me.
3. Planning your wedding is a chance to spend time together
Wedding planning is supposed to be fun, right? So why wouldn’t you want to enjoy that with the person you love enough to marry? Whether it’s making place cards in front of the TV or going to meet with a florist, it’ll be a lot more fun if you do it together.
4. It’s likely going to cost him just as much money as it’s costing you
Weddings are expensive. And unless your family’s paying for everything, your fiancé will likely be investing some money in the big day and he deserves to have a say in how it gets spent.
5. It helps take the strain off you
Wedding planning is stressful and time-consuming. And if you can’t get out of a meeting to call the caterers or you have a long list of vendors you don’t have time to email, it really helps to be able to ask your fiancé to step in and take some of those jobs off your plate.
After all, it’s his wedding too so it’s only fair to both of you that he does half the work.